You can't always get what you want

[ausare]

嬉しくない。
うれしくない。
Ureshikunai.
(I) am not happy.
—

Am going to rant again. F-list, if you're bored, just ignore me.

I thought the assignment rush was over for the time being, after the submission of the group and individual radio news portfolios for Broadcast Journalism on Tuesday, and I thought all our lecturer was going to do during tutorial was to play everyone's tracks and get the class to comment. So after I got all the paperwork done and the tracks burned onto the CDs, it was about 11a.m. and I decided to skip tutorial because it starts at 3p.m. (UGH LONG BREAK UGH), I slept for only a little more than two hours earlier that morning and I wanted to get home to catch up on my z's, and one of our group members will be submitting our work for us anyway.

Turns out we have to present and explain our own audio tracks. Why didn't anyone say anything about it? Why didn't our lecture mention anything?

I just thought, heck it, I was already at home when I got the SMS about it and was just about to have my afternoon nap. I wasn't going to give a damn about it; submission was over and done with. I'll just leave my tutorial attendance blank for that day.

Then that blasted lecturer wanted me to show her my M/C for my supposed-headache, which I used as an excuse in case she asked why I wasn't in class.

WHAT? Who spends money and time at the doctor's for a headache? People just go home and sleep the day away! UGH!!! And so I spent $38 on headache medicine and an M/C.

AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS.

Then she rejected our group portfolio because she thinks we were speaking too quickly. WHAT? We most definitely did not speak too fast. And if the overall piece is at a certain pace, telling us to insert pauses will only make it sound awkward. How can you not be aware of that? RAWR!

Just when I thought there are no more assignments for at least two weeks, she makes us redo this one assignment! By this Friday! UGH.

This is me officially hating your class.
 

Moving on (or, earlier), just the Sunday past (and two days after the first EPIC FAIL regarding the subject) my father brought us all out to McDonald's for breakfast before my work shift started.

When we were done and I was counting the minutes to when I need to leave for work, my father suddenly asked, "So after two years of not speaking to me, is there any new changes in your life you want to tell me about?"

Right, first of all, YOU were the one who was petty enough to exaggerate the smallest things and decided not to speak to me in the first place. Don't make this my fault. I've apologised, and two years ago you were a massive prick and threw a bitchfit, anyway. You have only yourself to blame.

Secondly, and more importantly, if this is your way of trying to weasel out information about Y, forget it. After that ridiculous comment that was totally uncalled for, did you really think I'll talk about him or us in front of you? Also, I am so NOT going to openly tell you about us just so you can have the satisfaction of telling to my face to let this thing go or 'be friends first' or whatever crap your illogical mind can come up with.

If you're going to control me so tightly when I'm already past the legal age, I can hold on just as tightly to what we have on defiance alone. If the past 22 years has taught neither of you anything, here it is: The more you push, the harder I rebel. Deal with it.

I don't get it. Here I was, thinking that this is the time when I can finally get everything right; someone who gets me and will probably turn out to be everything I need, I don't have to hide this from my family and can instead be like those other people who are able to talk to their parents about these things. Then I won't need to be paranoid every time I go out, wondering if anyone would spot us and tell my parents, or worse, they themselves finding out and having the whole fiasco with my ex happen all over again. And of course, life always has a way of going against what I hope for.

Now I'll have to lie every time I meet up with Y and say I'm meeting some friends instead, and I can't talk about him in front of my parents because they'll be all "Didn't we tell you to just be friends? Why don't you listen to us? WE DEMAND THAT YOU TWO BREAK UP."

What exactly is the difference now, between telling my parents the truth that I'm seeing someone and hiding a relationship from them?

What's the point of me trying to do things properly this time? Why did I even bother?

You keep saying you want me to be happy, safe. What I see is you not willing to give up that final bit of control you have over my life, now that you know it's inevitable that you can't control my actions and thoughts forever.

Before you two grow up and see some sense, you're not worth the effort I'm trying to make.

—
以上、Chii です。